Eventually (maybe not in my lifetime) people will cease to be culturally racist and exclusive.
As a "multiracial" women I've been blessed with controversy all my life, relating to the question that people frequently ask me, "What are you?" Not to mention the fact that this question is incredibly rude, it is very ignorant. It sounds like the person is asking me what species I am, as if, because they cannot identify what racial category I belong in I am automatically deemed a foreign species. I rationally know that's not what they mean, but that's what it sounds like. It has been an ongoing frustration among people of mixed heritage. No matter what we do we never fully belong anywhere. The issue of identity is incredibly complex for us. For me, because of my "white" skin, if I attempt to identify with black people, I'm not black enough. If I decide to embrace my European heritage, I'm "being a poser." I'm not even going to mention Native communities, because that's simply a waste of time. No matter what I do, it simply isn't enough! Recently this issue came up while talking to a hairdresser in Texas. Not only that, but it is repeating issue within my graduate studies. I swear, people think I have multiple personalities. One day I'll be arguing for "white" people, the next day it will be for the African American community and then, to a lesser extent, I will be discussing my native heritage. Now let me make it clear, before I get hate mail from people within the native community, I do NOT portray myself as a First Nations person. Only briefly in my heritage is one women recognized as "Native," to far back to claim anything. Yet, I will not ignore that part of my ancestry, simply because I don't "look the part." I'm not teaching any "spiritual shamanistic native studies," I'm not stating I belong to any federally recognized group, I'm not claiming I've descended from a "princess." Let me digress for a minute and say it is incredibly offensive for almost every single native person that I mention that to, mocks me and says "let me guess you're grandmother was a native princess." Everybody needs to STOP BEING SO RACIST! Yep! I went there. I have one indigenous woman in my lineage. Shall I go into the fact that she was disowned by her community because she married a black man? On top of that her "identity" was erased by the federal government too. Last time I checked it was humanly impossible to go from Indian to White and then to Black. Interesting trick. Furthermore, if I want to represent that aspect of my blood line you cannot say to me that I cannot, or that I am expropriating the culture. Seriously? No matter what I wear, or do, I get dirty looks from someone because people feel like I'm "stealing" their culture or being "fake." Does anyone actually have claim over anything when the world is so large and there are so many cultures and so many centuries behind us?
Lets get real with the numbers for a minute. If you were born in this country you're more likely than not to have another "race" in your ancestry. Acting like we are all "pure" anything is complete fiction. (I know I'm not the first to say this) Not to say that there aren't some people that can trace their lineage back without encountering another "race." My father is one of those people, he is "purely" Euro-American. The only thing most of us can say (that has some basis in reality) is that we are American. Unfortunately, even being American has its levels of "authenticity." What is with this era of terminology that is obsessed with the words, "pure, organic, natural, authentic, native, genuine, real, original, and lastly, true?" All I can say is I am genuine in my pure depiction of the authentic me who is native to this land. :)
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
PhDoula: Reblogged: How to have a baby in graduate school
Amazing blog by PhDoula and article, take a look!
PhDoula: Reblogged: How to have a baby in graduate school: Having babies in grad school: what do you need to make it work? This article was published in ACM-W Winter 2011 newsletter, written by thre...
PhDoula: Reblogged: How to have a baby in graduate school: Having babies in grad school: what do you need to make it work? This article was published in ACM-W Winter 2011 newsletter, written by thre...
Schools Catering to Single Parents
While searching the net for more information on colleges that specifically caters to parents and single parents, I came across this article:
http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2011/03/23/child-friendly-college-programs-for-parents
I like that it gives the reader some options for finding schools that cater to single parents, yet it does leave out graduate programs. Some of the schools mentioned might possible have graduate programs available, but I haven't researched them. As of right now I think the best program available are located at community colleges, if you are blessed with being someplace where they aren't 2nd or 3rd rate I urge you to apply. Also, becoming a nurse, paramedic, or EMT seem to also be wonderful options for single parents. Finding a program that will get you a job at the end, is ideal. So far, single parents in advanced academia, unless your kids are grown, is not supported very well, unless you want to jump through some serious hoops, or if you have an incredible support network. Unlike like myself, don't play superwomen or you might find yourself flailing in the deep end without a floatation device. That's not to say don't go for your dreams, because that's incredible important, just plan, plan, plan and then plan some more with a backup plan to boot.
Stay tuned!
Cheers!
http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2011/03/23/child-friendly-college-programs-for-parents
I like that it gives the reader some options for finding schools that cater to single parents, yet it does leave out graduate programs. Some of the schools mentioned might possible have graduate programs available, but I haven't researched them. As of right now I think the best program available are located at community colleges, if you are blessed with being someplace where they aren't 2nd or 3rd rate I urge you to apply. Also, becoming a nurse, paramedic, or EMT seem to also be wonderful options for single parents. Finding a program that will get you a job at the end, is ideal. So far, single parents in advanced academia, unless your kids are grown, is not supported very well, unless you want to jump through some serious hoops, or if you have an incredible support network. Unlike like myself, don't play superwomen or you might find yourself flailing in the deep end without a floatation device. That's not to say don't go for your dreams, because that's incredible important, just plan, plan, plan and then plan some more with a backup plan to boot.
Stay tuned!
Cheers!
Friday, September 6, 2013
Single Marginalized Parent
Growing up the youngest of 5 sisters and 2 brothers wasn't easy. It certainly made me no stranger to being the target of much ire, which in turn, made me very "thick skinned." But, growing up with my brothers as "unschoolers" was even harder.
If some of you aren't familiar with the term "unschooled," it means a person that hasn't received any formal/traditional schooling before the age of 18. It's totally not the glorified homeschooled experience that is touted to be, "One of the best ways to educate a child!" Nope, unschooling is a method that is completely lacking in any structure at all. There are great books and countless theoretical arguments for and against it. Yet all of them are lacking in any real data about adults who grew up with this method. I am one of those experimental adults who has experienced the ups and downs in life, and education, as a result of being unschooled. Although our social acceptance may be difficult sometimes, as a result of experiencing life differently than the average person, I am a firm believer that this method of unschooling helps to create and fosters critical thinkers, which is a wonderful thing.
From my experience, and small interaction with others that have been unschooled, we are horrible at standardized tests, which cannot even begin to measure our intelligence or our degree of success. We tend to be deep thinkers. I mean, what else are you supposed to do at home all day? We read a lot, and we are autodidacts obsessed with erudition (maybe not all of us), so much so, that learning with groups is not desirable or comfortable, (I don't mean just in a classroom I mean literally trying to learn something as a group.) simply because we see everything from a completely different perspective. We are perfectly comfortable on our own (most of us). It doesn't mean we are not social or are socially inept, we are simply used to it, and sometimes want it. Our methods of learning are extremely individualistic, so you can never put us into a box, period! This makes our ability to be taught something also incredibly difficult to the average teacher. With teachers that like the "hands off" approach, we thrive. My experience has been, the teachers that lead or guide, not push, information, have been the ones that I've worked best and most with. We are incredibly stubborn, yet very open to a good debate and will admit when we are wrong (mostly). But, don't treat us the same as everyone else, because we will make it clear (not on purpose) over and over that we are very different. We are the essence of otherness. Our life foundations are so far from the normal American enculturation that often we feel like foreigners in our own country. Believe it, because it's true. So why don't we just fit in, or become "normal?" I've been asked this question a lot, and it's like asking someone to bleach their skin white, it may be medically possible, but whats inside will never change because it is who we are, and I wouldn't change the way I was raised for anything.
Interestingly enough I haven't had a problem with being unschooled until I reached this program. I knew that I viewed life, and the world differently, and most of the time those differences were celebrated, or simply worked around and molded, or nurtured, to fit. I'm finding great difficulty finding a place for my specific set of differences here. So far I've felt marginalized and criticized by my difference, and we are only in the second week. This has led to great confusion, conflict and inner examination that needs not be an issue. While the rigors of doctoral studies are expected, what I didn't expect was to feel like my whole undergraduate and graduate experience prior to this was inadequate. Not only that, but my whole experience has been a contradiction to what I thought the discipline of women's studies was about. I seemingly feel more and more everyday isolated because I cannot find any representation of me here (it is still early). This is also incredibly ironic because some of the highly acclaimed feminist writers, were denied, or never went to pursue a doctorate, because of the dogmatism that can be present within academia, for example, Gloria Anzaldua. The more I read the more I get angry at the status quo. This isn't even mentioning my status as a single parent. Why is it that when 28% percent of all children in the United States between the ages of 0-17 live with single parents, we are still incredibly marginalized (childstats)?
If you are a single parent you have doubtlessly heard something similar to the following, "It must be hard growing up without a father?" or "How do you handle being a single parent?" or "You are my hero?" or "Your child is so well behaved!" While I understand that the last statement could be said about any child, it still irks me. Why? Because the insinuation is, since I am a single parent somehow my child is expected to be a degenerate. Yes, it can be hard growing up without a father. I wouldn't know, because my dad was always and continues to be, present in my life. Don't make the assumption that my child is crying every night for his dad, because he isn't! Furthermore, I handle being a single parent because I have too, and, quite frankly, some days it's hard and some days it isn't. There are a few things that are limited as a result, but no different than military parents, or parents that have a spouse that is gone a lot. (Although, they are more socially accepted, and there are generally two household earners.) I do understand that someone calling me a "hero" is meant to be a compliment. But, I'm not your hero, you have no idea who I am, simply being a single parent does not automatically make me heroic, even though it may seem like it, in the face of so much adversity. Quite on the contrary, many people scramble to judge me as the exact opposite. Lastly, I am not "trolling for a man," I am sometimes content and sometimes not content without a partner, but my singleparenthood has little to nothing to do with that.
Single parenting comes with certain limitations, and those limitations need to be recognized within the academic community. After all, unconventional students are quickly becoming the majority in many, if not most, colleges and universities across the nation:
These are the challenges I face, not all having to do with this doctoral program, but I have certainly been reminded of my social, cultural, and gender limitations in the first two weeks and it has made me very angry as a result.
I'm getting off my soap box now.
Cheers!
Sources:
http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/famsoc1.asp
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=98
If some of you aren't familiar with the term "unschooled," it means a person that hasn't received any formal/traditional schooling before the age of 18. It's totally not the glorified homeschooled experience that is touted to be, "One of the best ways to educate a child!" Nope, unschooling is a method that is completely lacking in any structure at all. There are great books and countless theoretical arguments for and against it. Yet all of them are lacking in any real data about adults who grew up with this method. I am one of those experimental adults who has experienced the ups and downs in life, and education, as a result of being unschooled. Although our social acceptance may be difficult sometimes, as a result of experiencing life differently than the average person, I am a firm believer that this method of unschooling helps to create and fosters critical thinkers, which is a wonderful thing.
From my experience, and small interaction with others that have been unschooled, we are horrible at standardized tests, which cannot even begin to measure our intelligence or our degree of success. We tend to be deep thinkers. I mean, what else are you supposed to do at home all day? We read a lot, and we are autodidacts obsessed with erudition (maybe not all of us), so much so, that learning with groups is not desirable or comfortable, (I don't mean just in a classroom I mean literally trying to learn something as a group.) simply because we see everything from a completely different perspective. We are perfectly comfortable on our own (most of us). It doesn't mean we are not social or are socially inept, we are simply used to it, and sometimes want it. Our methods of learning are extremely individualistic, so you can never put us into a box, period! This makes our ability to be taught something also incredibly difficult to the average teacher. With teachers that like the "hands off" approach, we thrive. My experience has been, the teachers that lead or guide, not push, information, have been the ones that I've worked best and most with. We are incredibly stubborn, yet very open to a good debate and will admit when we are wrong (mostly). But, don't treat us the same as everyone else, because we will make it clear (not on purpose) over and over that we are very different. We are the essence of otherness. Our life foundations are so far from the normal American enculturation that often we feel like foreigners in our own country. Believe it, because it's true. So why don't we just fit in, or become "normal?" I've been asked this question a lot, and it's like asking someone to bleach their skin white, it may be medically possible, but whats inside will never change because it is who we are, and I wouldn't change the way I was raised for anything.
Interestingly enough I haven't had a problem with being unschooled until I reached this program. I knew that I viewed life, and the world differently, and most of the time those differences were celebrated, or simply worked around and molded, or nurtured, to fit. I'm finding great difficulty finding a place for my specific set of differences here. So far I've felt marginalized and criticized by my difference, and we are only in the second week. This has led to great confusion, conflict and inner examination that needs not be an issue. While the rigors of doctoral studies are expected, what I didn't expect was to feel like my whole undergraduate and graduate experience prior to this was inadequate. Not only that, but my whole experience has been a contradiction to what I thought the discipline of women's studies was about. I seemingly feel more and more everyday isolated because I cannot find any representation of me here (it is still early). This is also incredibly ironic because some of the highly acclaimed feminist writers, were denied, or never went to pursue a doctorate, because of the dogmatism that can be present within academia, for example, Gloria Anzaldua. The more I read the more I get angry at the status quo. This isn't even mentioning my status as a single parent. Why is it that when 28% percent of all children in the United States between the ages of 0-17 live with single parents, we are still incredibly marginalized (childstats)?
If you are a single parent you have doubtlessly heard something similar to the following, "It must be hard growing up without a father?" or "How do you handle being a single parent?" or "You are my hero?" or "Your child is so well behaved!" While I understand that the last statement could be said about any child, it still irks me. Why? Because the insinuation is, since I am a single parent somehow my child is expected to be a degenerate. Yes, it can be hard growing up without a father. I wouldn't know, because my dad was always and continues to be, present in my life. Don't make the assumption that my child is crying every night for his dad, because he isn't! Furthermore, I handle being a single parent because I have too, and, quite frankly, some days it's hard and some days it isn't. There are a few things that are limited as a result, but no different than military parents, or parents that have a spouse that is gone a lot. (Although, they are more socially accepted, and there are generally two household earners.) I do understand that someone calling me a "hero" is meant to be a compliment. But, I'm not your hero, you have no idea who I am, simply being a single parent does not automatically make me heroic, even though it may seem like it, in the face of so much adversity. Quite on the contrary, many people scramble to judge me as the exact opposite. Lastly, I am not "trolling for a man," I am sometimes content and sometimes not content without a partner, but my singleparenthood has little to nothing to do with that.
Single parenting comes with certain limitations, and those limitations need to be recognized within the academic community. After all, unconventional students are quickly becoming the majority in many, if not most, colleges and universities across the nation:
So why are students like myself still facing extreme difficulty, or not being able to obtain, or have the tools necessary, to succeed and proceed in post secondary education and beyond? Of course there are schools that have daycares on campus, and I'm sure there are places where being a single parent doesn't automatically make you feel marginalized, I get that! But, those schools are in the minority. And, don't tell me,"There are great online programs out there for people just like you!" Do your homework! Those programs are primarily (not all) second rate and do not give you the skills you need to get a job, among countless other arguments against online educations, which include, financial aid, networking, limited science options, etc. Give me access to education that doesn't require me to leave my son without dinner, or require me to live at home with my parents so I have child care, or require me to take him to class and get the stink eye all night, or better yet, get asked to leave. Furthermore, don't ask me to neglect my son while telling me, "He will benefit in the long run." No he won't, because I won't be there for some of the most influential times in his life. I've heard it all and experienced it all. I've been in school since my son was born, and I've had to carefully navigate my education as a result, on top of being denied access to many academic programs. I'm not even going to go into my debt load. I will save that for another post. We as single parents need to stop being treated like Americas dirty little secret full of welfare mothers, man haters, women haters, and godless heathens. We are a varied bunch, and I'm sure like any group, there are those who are, and those who are not, the stereotype. Get over it!In recent years, the percentage increase in the number of students age 25 and over has been larger than the percentage increase in the number of younger students, and this pattern is expected to continue. Between 2000 and 2010, the enrollment of students under age 25 increased by 34 percent. Enrollment of students 25 and over rose 42 percent during the same period. From 2010 to 2020, NCES projects a rise of 11 percent in enrollments of students under 25, and a rise of 20 percent in enrollments of students 25 and over. (NCES)
These are the challenges I face, not all having to do with this doctoral program, but I have certainly been reminded of my social, cultural, and gender limitations in the first two weeks and it has made me very angry as a result.
I'm getting off my soap box now.
Cheers!
Sources:
http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/famsoc1.asp
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=98
Sunday, September 1, 2013
...even the cat peed on my bed!
Have you ever felt like the cosmos is simply not happy with you, or is completely out to get you? It has been like I'm a puppet for some god on Olympus with really bad taste in jokes.
From my son being "misplaced" at on his first day of school to having bad news about a family member, this has officially been the worst week I've had in a very long time.
Monday began well, so I thought, with getting to school on time and finally being able to get a good run in before my first class. I knew that I had to pick my son up from school early. After speaking with the school and getting everything set up, it seemed things were going to work out. At 2:20 I arrive to get my son, but I'm unable to get in the school because the doors are locked. Much to my great annoyance after trying to call the office over 10 times with no answer, I start to get really frustrated. After a couple of irritating events outside the school, they finally locate my son. The lady that delivers him tells me, in more words, that he was "misplaced." Due to intense miscommunication and misdirection, the school neglected to tell me about some very important policies relating to picking up a child early from school. I had an hour of complete terror and worry when they couldn't locate my son, on top of that I couldn't even enter the building. As a result of this fiasco I completely miss my first class. Jolly good start to the week, wouldn't you say? It took me 4 hours to calm down after that incident, and multiple calls to family and friends for advice. Who wants to take their child to a school where they get misplaced? I'm happy to say my son was fine, shook up but fine. I sent the principal a lengthy email, and I was surprised when she wrote back being incredibly apologetic.
Later in the week I successfully lose my wallet, one of my computers crash, I get a minor stomach bug, I forget to bring some paperwork to the class I'm GAing, terrible news comes through about a family member, my son has come down with a cold, and finally, I come home one day and my cat has peed on my bed. Really? At this point I throw up their hands and say "What the F$%#!"
In light of all that it does seem like everything did eventually work itself out. My wallet was returned, I got over the stomach bug, I had a backup of my data lost, the class I'm GAing went fine, I was able to clean my sheets and cover, I'm sure my son will get over his cold and his school seems to be doing just fine now. There have been no more incidents at his school and the principal even emailed again in the following days, just to check in. The only unknown is the health of my family member.
The PhD program seems to be okay, I have a minor issue with the length of their syllabi, but other than that I have no complaints. I've never seem syllabi longer than maybe 10 pages, but here the standard is 25 pages. In the 7 years I've been in higher education, think I saw a 10 page syllabus once. Apparently there is a reason behind the length, and that reason has to do with miscommunication in the past. It will take me a while to get used to reading a syllabus that's the same length as some of my homework. Right now I'm focusing on getting through the first year and not making any judgements till after I've spent some real time here.
Overall, this week has been a test of my patience and resilience that I never want to go through again. Here's to hoping this coming week will be much better.
Cheers!
From my son being "misplaced" at on his first day of school to having bad news about a family member, this has officially been the worst week I've had in a very long time.
Monday began well, so I thought, with getting to school on time and finally being able to get a good run in before my first class. I knew that I had to pick my son up from school early. After speaking with the school and getting everything set up, it seemed things were going to work out. At 2:20 I arrive to get my son, but I'm unable to get in the school because the doors are locked. Much to my great annoyance after trying to call the office over 10 times with no answer, I start to get really frustrated. After a couple of irritating events outside the school, they finally locate my son. The lady that delivers him tells me, in more words, that he was "misplaced." Due to intense miscommunication and misdirection, the school neglected to tell me about some very important policies relating to picking up a child early from school. I had an hour of complete terror and worry when they couldn't locate my son, on top of that I couldn't even enter the building. As a result of this fiasco I completely miss my first class. Jolly good start to the week, wouldn't you say? It took me 4 hours to calm down after that incident, and multiple calls to family and friends for advice. Who wants to take their child to a school where they get misplaced? I'm happy to say my son was fine, shook up but fine. I sent the principal a lengthy email, and I was surprised when she wrote back being incredibly apologetic.
Later in the week I successfully lose my wallet, one of my computers crash, I get a minor stomach bug, I forget to bring some paperwork to the class I'm GAing, terrible news comes through about a family member, my son has come down with a cold, and finally, I come home one day and my cat has peed on my bed. Really? At this point I throw up their hands and say "What the F$%#!"
In light of all that it does seem like everything did eventually work itself out. My wallet was returned, I got over the stomach bug, I had a backup of my data lost, the class I'm GAing went fine, I was able to clean my sheets and cover, I'm sure my son will get over his cold and his school seems to be doing just fine now. There have been no more incidents at his school and the principal even emailed again in the following days, just to check in. The only unknown is the health of my family member.
The PhD program seems to be okay, I have a minor issue with the length of their syllabi, but other than that I have no complaints. I've never seem syllabi longer than maybe 10 pages, but here the standard is 25 pages. In the 7 years I've been in higher education, think I saw a 10 page syllabus once. Apparently there is a reason behind the length, and that reason has to do with miscommunication in the past. It will take me a while to get used to reading a syllabus that's the same length as some of my homework. Right now I'm focusing on getting through the first year and not making any judgements till after I've spent some real time here.
Overall, this week has been a test of my patience and resilience that I never want to go through again. Here's to hoping this coming week will be much better.
Cheers!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Inconveniences
Tomorrow is the first day of classes for me and my son. Already there are some minor issues. I'm not totally sure why the first day of classes are universally on the same day in Texas, but I'm sure there is a rational reason for that right? When moving to a new state it is always a good idea to check the school policy and procedures, along with all option for after school care. Unfortunately, in my case due to some filing issues, nothing is ironed out and I'm stuck with last minute not knowing how I'm going to pick my son up or if he will be in after school or not.
His school lets out at 2:50, my class starts at 2:50, his sitter is sick with the flu, and I don't want him to spend 10 hours at school on his first day. I may be a tad over worried, but he is only 7 and if I'm nervous about my first day of school at 33, I can't imagine how he feels. First and foremost his well being is my top priority, then my own. Therefore, I will do what is best for him regardless of the consequences.
Tomorrow is going to be a very interesting day, to put it mildly. Luckily I have an understanding teacher that won't mind if my son must tag along to be present in my first class. We are off to a rocky start, I hope this doesn't reflect what this year is going to be like. Ugh!
His school lets out at 2:50, my class starts at 2:50, his sitter is sick with the flu, and I don't want him to spend 10 hours at school on his first day. I may be a tad over worried, but he is only 7 and if I'm nervous about my first day of school at 33, I can't imagine how he feels. First and foremost his well being is my top priority, then my own. Therefore, I will do what is best for him regardless of the consequences.
Tomorrow is going to be a very interesting day, to put it mildly. Luckily I have an understanding teacher that won't mind if my son must tag along to be present in my first class. We are off to a rocky start, I hope this doesn't reflect what this year is going to be like. Ugh!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Orient thyself because it just got real!
I realized today that while single parents in doctoral programs exist, we are a small minority. I think that a large percentage of that small minority has written a blog about their experiences. I'm going to be a part of that majority of the minority and try to record my experiences as I go along. I mean, how often do you get to read about the ups and downs of being a PhD seeking mama? It's bold, it's thrilling, it's mystery, it's...another person being completely self absorbed. Humor me, you just might learn something...maybe? I might just inspire, and possibly I might show you what not to do. Put it this way, if I fail (which I don't plan on doing) it's tragedy, and people love a good tragedy. If I succeed then it's a happy ending, and we all love happy endings, right?
Let me first begin by introducing myself and giving you a little background.
My name is M. I've been a single mom since my sons ecstatic thrust into existence (no pun intended) on May 12th 2006. Before I get ahead of myself let me tell you how I got into this particular life changing situation.
In the summer of 2005, I was blissfully working my way towards a degree in paramedicine in southern Arizona. Life was amazing, I had great friends, great family, and I was enjoying my typical sophomore single life. One night out with my besty, while trying to drown out the melodious croaking of tortured birds, (we were at karaoke night) some mysterious people bought my friend and me a drink. Come to find out that the two people were two very handsome soldiers. Well, without getting into too much detail, you can likely gather what happened next. No, it wasn't a one night stand, it actually turned into an amazing love affair that turned into an engagement and basically lasted a whole 16 months. I was ready to ride off into the sunset with my soldier until reality came sliding (with a lot of pain on my part) into the world, weighing 7 pounds 7 ounces. By the time my heart, my beautiful son was 6 months old, his father and I were separated. Through everything I never stopped trying to get my degree, I just had to change my major a few times.
At this same point I decide I need to buy a house, you know, settle down and create roots. I don't know who I was kidding more, myself or the idiot loan officer that actually gave me the home loan. That went up in flames in the economic collapse of 2008. As if my life wasn't full of enough tragedy and heartache it struck again. After being diagnosed with cancer and fighting a solid year and a half, my best friend, my soul sister, my mother lost the battle and passed away in June of 2008. I wrote more papers in one calendar year than I think is humanly possible. I did 41 credits in 2 semesters and 1 summer. Broke, heart broken, and a baby on my hip; I grudgingly left Arizona and made my way across country back to my home town in central Vermont. Not the homecoming I wanted, but hey! we all get to star in our own version of a sappy Hollywood drama. Mine was full of misguided attempts at love and other unfortunate things, and there was no happy ending. It was Macbeth meets Never Been Kissed. Ever have experiences that make you want to crawl under the table when you think about them? Well...after moving back to where I grew up, my life was full of experiences like that. Ga! too many situations where I wish I could have smacked the back of my own head and screamed, "What are you thinking!"
Without any pomp and circumstance, after years of late night coffee and many days of tears and frustration, I did eventually get my BA in English (in the mail) in 2009. With BA in hand and feeling like I'm on top of the world, I march with bugles following me (not literally) into the world of the job market. 31 applications later and zero calls, I take the hint from God and applied to graduate school. Much to my bewilderment I got accepted, and not to some shabby distance learning school, but Dartmouth College. In January of 2010 I began my first class as a graduate student at one of the top universities in the world. Fast forward 2 years, and I am walking down the isle hand in hand (it was so cute) with my son to take (not receive) my masters degree. I will spare you the details of the following 6 months of soul searching. Basically, I realized that academia was where I wanted to be, and obviously I was capable of working my way up towards that ivory tower.
After the laborious application process to get accepted into a PhD program, I got my first response from Texas Woman's University. I didn't I believe it when it came though; I must have read that email 20 times, and yes of course I saved it. So, I uprooted us once again after 4 years and moved from liberal Vermont to the great conservative state of Texas with my son, my dog and my cat.
Even though I've moved my life from Vermont with child, dog and cat, and I've been here for over a month, it didn't really sink in until today at orientation that whoa! I'm a PhD student and what the hell am I doing here?
Stay tuned!
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