Orient thyself because it just got real!

I realized today that while single parents in doctoral programs exist, we are a small minority. I think that a large percentage of that small minority has written a blog about their experiences. I'm going to be a part of that majority of the minority and try to record my experiences as I go along. I mean, how often do you get to read about the ups and downs of being a PhD seeking mama? It's bold, it's thrilling, it's mystery, it's...another person being completely self absorbed. Humor me, you just might learn something...maybe? I might just inspire, and possibly I might show you what not to do. Put it this way, if I fail (which I don't plan on doing) it's tragedy, and people love a good tragedy. If I succeed then it's a happy ending, and we all love happy endings, right?

Let me first begin by introducing myself and giving you a little background.
My name is M. I've been a single mom since my sons ecstatic thrust into existence (no pun intended) on May 12th 2006. Before I get ahead of myself let me tell you how I got into this particular life changing situation. 

In the summer of 2005, I was blissfully working my way towards a degree in paramedicine in southern Arizona. Life was amazing, I had great friends, great family, and I was enjoying my typical sophomore single life. One night out with my besty, while trying to drown out the melodious croaking of tortured birds, (we were at karaoke night) some mysterious people bought my friend and me a drink. Come to find out that the two people were two very handsome soldiers. Well, without getting into too much detail, you can likely gather what happened next. No, it wasn't a one night stand, it actually turned into an amazing love affair that turned into an engagement and basically lasted a whole 16 months. I was ready to ride off into the sunset with my soldier until reality came sliding (with a lot of pain on my part) into the world, weighing 7 pounds 7 ounces. By the time my heart, my beautiful son was 6 months old, his father and I were separated. Through everything I never stopped trying to get my degree, I just had to change my major a few times.

At this same point I decide I need to buy a house, you know, settle down and create roots. I don't know who I was kidding more, myself or the idiot loan officer that actually gave me the home loan. That went up in flames in the economic collapse of 2008. As if my life wasn't full of enough tragedy and heartache it struck again. After being diagnosed with cancer and fighting a solid year and a half, my best friend, my soul sister, my mother lost the battle and passed away in June of 2008. I wrote more papers in one calendar year than I think is humanly possible. I did 41 credits in 2 semesters and 1 summer. Broke, heart broken, and a baby on my hip; I grudgingly left Arizona and made my way across country back to my home town in central Vermont. Not the homecoming I wanted, but hey! we all get to star in our own version of a sappy Hollywood drama. Mine was full of misguided attempts at love and other unfortunate things, and there was no happy ending. It was Macbeth meets Never Been Kissed. Ever have experiences that make you want to crawl under the table when you think about them? Well...after moving back to where I grew up, my life was full of experiences like that. Ga! too many situations where I wish I could have smacked the back of my own head and screamed, "What are you thinking!"
Without any pomp and circumstance, after years of late night coffee and many days of tears and frustration, I did eventually get my BA in English (in the mail) in 2009. With BA in hand and feeling like I'm on top of the world, I march with bugles following me (not literally) into the world of the job market. 31 applications later and zero calls, I take the hint from God and applied to graduate school. Much to my bewilderment I got accepted, and not to some shabby distance learning school, but Dartmouth College. In January of 2010 I began my first class as a graduate student at one of the top universities in the world. Fast forward 2 years, and I am walking down the isle hand in hand (it was so cute) with my son to take (not receive) my masters degree. I will spare you the details of the following 6 months of soul searching. Basically, I realized that academia was where I wanted to be, and obviously I was capable of working my way up towards that ivory tower. 

After the laborious application process to get accepted into a PhD program, I got my first response from Texas Woman's University. I didn't I believe it when it came though; I must have read that email 20 times, and yes of course I saved it. So, I uprooted us once again after 4 years and moved from liberal Vermont to the great conservative state of Texas with my son, my dog and my cat.
Even though I've moved my life from Vermont with child, dog and cat, and I've been here for over a month, it didn't really sink in until today at orientation that whoa! I'm a PhD student and what the hell am I doing here? 

Stay tuned!