I'd Rather Be Ignorant

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The trouble with identity is that a person's identity is almost entirely socially constructed. Furthermore, a persons personal identity may differ from the socially placed, or imprinted identity. What people see on the exterior they associate with the interior. With this association come stereotypes based solely on the exterior socially constructed identity. Who creates these identity stereotypes?  It’s easy to blame the media, because “they” seem to have the longest and widest population reach nationally. I don’t know that I can fully blame these issues solely on the media.

I grew up with minimal access to television, but we had a library of over 500 movies to choose from. I spent many of my homeschooled days watching movies, from White Christmas to Alien. These movies never made me feel bad about who I was they never made me question my place within a society that I’ve now been taught resists difference. The key word that is of extreme importance here is “taught.” Is the institution of higher education as much to blame for the continued and additional alienation of students that are outside the social norm? This is a difficult question to answer because it’s not a black and white issue. I think certain disciplines perpetuate social isolation and I think that certain individuals already feel isolated before going to college. I assess myself before I went to college and analyze myself now after ten years in higher education. Comparing that to my own self-esteem and my ability to actually feel free to be myself, presents a striking correlation to my self worth and my higher education experience. Of course life experiences outside of academia has something to do with that. I’m not dismissing the fact that “shit happens,” I’m simply addressing my education and the perpetuation of negativity around awareness of being “different.” I believe that part of my insecurities stem from becoming a single mother shortly after my son was born and aspects of my upbringing. Yet, I cannot help but address that the extreme change that I saw in my deep-rooted anxieties and myself showed up right around the time I entered college. These issues have only gotten worse due to the fact that I’ve been bombarded with the philosophical and psychoanalysis of identity and difference for far to many years. The tools to fight these social issues have been stunningly absent. It has been as if someone has woken me up and told me, “We live in a horrible world where difference is not tolerated, now deal with it.” That is extremely frustrating and debilitating. However, I question everything that makes me feel like there is no way out, because there is always a way out or alternative.  I question the motive of a discipline that thrives on making people feel even more marginalized. I question the validity of so much of what I have learned.

            Why can’t the cultural and gender based disciplines figure out a way to bring positivity and hope back into the classroom? That is assuming it ever existed there in the first place. With a discipline that puts emphasis on difference, and isolates it’s students, produces disheartened bitter academics. I would rather live my life ignorant and happy than smart and miserable due to the things I know.  Life is far too short for that. It is frustrating that it took me ten years to figure this out and even more frustrating when I realize that this knowledge is worth almost nothing next to my enormous student debt. What is the true value of education?