Amazing blog by PhDoula and article, take a look!
PhDoula: Reblogged: How to have a baby in graduate school: Having babies in grad school: what do you need to make it work? This article was published in ACM-W Winter 2011 newsletter, written by thre...
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Schools Catering to Single Parents
While searching the net for more information on colleges that specifically caters to parents and single parents, I came across this article:
http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2011/03/23/child-friendly-college-programs-for-parents
I like that it gives the reader some options for finding schools that cater to single parents, yet it does leave out graduate programs. Some of the schools mentioned might possible have graduate programs available, but I haven't researched them. As of right now I think the best program available are located at community colleges, if you are blessed with being someplace where they aren't 2nd or 3rd rate I urge you to apply. Also, becoming a nurse, paramedic, or EMT seem to also be wonderful options for single parents. Finding a program that will get you a job at the end, is ideal. So far, single parents in advanced academia, unless your kids are grown, is not supported very well, unless you want to jump through some serious hoops, or if you have an incredible support network. Unlike like myself, don't play superwomen or you might find yourself flailing in the deep end without a floatation device. That's not to say don't go for your dreams, because that's incredible important, just plan, plan, plan and then plan some more with a backup plan to boot.
Stay tuned!
Cheers!
http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2011/03/23/child-friendly-college-programs-for-parents
I like that it gives the reader some options for finding schools that cater to single parents, yet it does leave out graduate programs. Some of the schools mentioned might possible have graduate programs available, but I haven't researched them. As of right now I think the best program available are located at community colleges, if you are blessed with being someplace where they aren't 2nd or 3rd rate I urge you to apply. Also, becoming a nurse, paramedic, or EMT seem to also be wonderful options for single parents. Finding a program that will get you a job at the end, is ideal. So far, single parents in advanced academia, unless your kids are grown, is not supported very well, unless you want to jump through some serious hoops, or if you have an incredible support network. Unlike like myself, don't play superwomen or you might find yourself flailing in the deep end without a floatation device. That's not to say don't go for your dreams, because that's incredible important, just plan, plan, plan and then plan some more with a backup plan to boot.
Stay tuned!
Cheers!
Friday, September 6, 2013
Single Marginalized Parent
Growing up the youngest of 5 sisters and 2 brothers wasn't easy. It certainly made me no stranger to being the target of much ire, which in turn, made me very "thick skinned." But, growing up with my brothers as "unschoolers" was even harder.
If some of you aren't familiar with the term "unschooled," it means a person that hasn't received any formal/traditional schooling before the age of 18. It's totally not the glorified homeschooled experience that is touted to be, "One of the best ways to educate a child!" Nope, unschooling is a method that is completely lacking in any structure at all. There are great books and countless theoretical arguments for and against it. Yet all of them are lacking in any real data about adults who grew up with this method. I am one of those experimental adults who has experienced the ups and downs in life, and education, as a result of being unschooled. Although our social acceptance may be difficult sometimes, as a result of experiencing life differently than the average person, I am a firm believer that this method of unschooling helps to create and fosters critical thinkers, which is a wonderful thing.
From my experience, and small interaction with others that have been unschooled, we are horrible at standardized tests, which cannot even begin to measure our intelligence or our degree of success. We tend to be deep thinkers. I mean, what else are you supposed to do at home all day? We read a lot, and we are autodidacts obsessed with erudition (maybe not all of us), so much so, that learning with groups is not desirable or comfortable, (I don't mean just in a classroom I mean literally trying to learn something as a group.) simply because we see everything from a completely different perspective. We are perfectly comfortable on our own (most of us). It doesn't mean we are not social or are socially inept, we are simply used to it, and sometimes want it. Our methods of learning are extremely individualistic, so you can never put us into a box, period! This makes our ability to be taught something also incredibly difficult to the average teacher. With teachers that like the "hands off" approach, we thrive. My experience has been, the teachers that lead or guide, not push, information, have been the ones that I've worked best and most with. We are incredibly stubborn, yet very open to a good debate and will admit when we are wrong (mostly). But, don't treat us the same as everyone else, because we will make it clear (not on purpose) over and over that we are very different. We are the essence of otherness. Our life foundations are so far from the normal American enculturation that often we feel like foreigners in our own country. Believe it, because it's true. So why don't we just fit in, or become "normal?" I've been asked this question a lot, and it's like asking someone to bleach their skin white, it may be medically possible, but whats inside will never change because it is who we are, and I wouldn't change the way I was raised for anything.
Interestingly enough I haven't had a problem with being unschooled until I reached this program. I knew that I viewed life, and the world differently, and most of the time those differences were celebrated, or simply worked around and molded, or nurtured, to fit. I'm finding great difficulty finding a place for my specific set of differences here. So far I've felt marginalized and criticized by my difference, and we are only in the second week. This has led to great confusion, conflict and inner examination that needs not be an issue. While the rigors of doctoral studies are expected, what I didn't expect was to feel like my whole undergraduate and graduate experience prior to this was inadequate. Not only that, but my whole experience has been a contradiction to what I thought the discipline of women's studies was about. I seemingly feel more and more everyday isolated because I cannot find any representation of me here (it is still early). This is also incredibly ironic because some of the highly acclaimed feminist writers, were denied, or never went to pursue a doctorate, because of the dogmatism that can be present within academia, for example, Gloria Anzaldua. The more I read the more I get angry at the status quo. This isn't even mentioning my status as a single parent. Why is it that when 28% percent of all children in the United States between the ages of 0-17 live with single parents, we are still incredibly marginalized (childstats)?
If you are a single parent you have doubtlessly heard something similar to the following, "It must be hard growing up without a father?" or "How do you handle being a single parent?" or "You are my hero?" or "Your child is so well behaved!" While I understand that the last statement could be said about any child, it still irks me. Why? Because the insinuation is, since I am a single parent somehow my child is expected to be a degenerate. Yes, it can be hard growing up without a father. I wouldn't know, because my dad was always and continues to be, present in my life. Don't make the assumption that my child is crying every night for his dad, because he isn't! Furthermore, I handle being a single parent because I have too, and, quite frankly, some days it's hard and some days it isn't. There are a few things that are limited as a result, but no different than military parents, or parents that have a spouse that is gone a lot. (Although, they are more socially accepted, and there are generally two household earners.) I do understand that someone calling me a "hero" is meant to be a compliment. But, I'm not your hero, you have no idea who I am, simply being a single parent does not automatically make me heroic, even though it may seem like it, in the face of so much adversity. Quite on the contrary, many people scramble to judge me as the exact opposite. Lastly, I am not "trolling for a man," I am sometimes content and sometimes not content without a partner, but my singleparenthood has little to nothing to do with that.
Single parenting comes with certain limitations, and those limitations need to be recognized within the academic community. After all, unconventional students are quickly becoming the majority in many, if not most, colleges and universities across the nation:
These are the challenges I face, not all having to do with this doctoral program, but I have certainly been reminded of my social, cultural, and gender limitations in the first two weeks and it has made me very angry as a result.
I'm getting off my soap box now.
Cheers!
Sources:
http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/famsoc1.asp
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=98
If some of you aren't familiar with the term "unschooled," it means a person that hasn't received any formal/traditional schooling before the age of 18. It's totally not the glorified homeschooled experience that is touted to be, "One of the best ways to educate a child!" Nope, unschooling is a method that is completely lacking in any structure at all. There are great books and countless theoretical arguments for and against it. Yet all of them are lacking in any real data about adults who grew up with this method. I am one of those experimental adults who has experienced the ups and downs in life, and education, as a result of being unschooled. Although our social acceptance may be difficult sometimes, as a result of experiencing life differently than the average person, I am a firm believer that this method of unschooling helps to create and fosters critical thinkers, which is a wonderful thing.
From my experience, and small interaction with others that have been unschooled, we are horrible at standardized tests, which cannot even begin to measure our intelligence or our degree of success. We tend to be deep thinkers. I mean, what else are you supposed to do at home all day? We read a lot, and we are autodidacts obsessed with erudition (maybe not all of us), so much so, that learning with groups is not desirable or comfortable, (I don't mean just in a classroom I mean literally trying to learn something as a group.) simply because we see everything from a completely different perspective. We are perfectly comfortable on our own (most of us). It doesn't mean we are not social or are socially inept, we are simply used to it, and sometimes want it. Our methods of learning are extremely individualistic, so you can never put us into a box, period! This makes our ability to be taught something also incredibly difficult to the average teacher. With teachers that like the "hands off" approach, we thrive. My experience has been, the teachers that lead or guide, not push, information, have been the ones that I've worked best and most with. We are incredibly stubborn, yet very open to a good debate and will admit when we are wrong (mostly). But, don't treat us the same as everyone else, because we will make it clear (not on purpose) over and over that we are very different. We are the essence of otherness. Our life foundations are so far from the normal American enculturation that often we feel like foreigners in our own country. Believe it, because it's true. So why don't we just fit in, or become "normal?" I've been asked this question a lot, and it's like asking someone to bleach their skin white, it may be medically possible, but whats inside will never change because it is who we are, and I wouldn't change the way I was raised for anything.
Interestingly enough I haven't had a problem with being unschooled until I reached this program. I knew that I viewed life, and the world differently, and most of the time those differences were celebrated, or simply worked around and molded, or nurtured, to fit. I'm finding great difficulty finding a place for my specific set of differences here. So far I've felt marginalized and criticized by my difference, and we are only in the second week. This has led to great confusion, conflict and inner examination that needs not be an issue. While the rigors of doctoral studies are expected, what I didn't expect was to feel like my whole undergraduate and graduate experience prior to this was inadequate. Not only that, but my whole experience has been a contradiction to what I thought the discipline of women's studies was about. I seemingly feel more and more everyday isolated because I cannot find any representation of me here (it is still early). This is also incredibly ironic because some of the highly acclaimed feminist writers, were denied, or never went to pursue a doctorate, because of the dogmatism that can be present within academia, for example, Gloria Anzaldua. The more I read the more I get angry at the status quo. This isn't even mentioning my status as a single parent. Why is it that when 28% percent of all children in the United States between the ages of 0-17 live with single parents, we are still incredibly marginalized (childstats)?
If you are a single parent you have doubtlessly heard something similar to the following, "It must be hard growing up without a father?" or "How do you handle being a single parent?" or "You are my hero?" or "Your child is so well behaved!" While I understand that the last statement could be said about any child, it still irks me. Why? Because the insinuation is, since I am a single parent somehow my child is expected to be a degenerate. Yes, it can be hard growing up without a father. I wouldn't know, because my dad was always and continues to be, present in my life. Don't make the assumption that my child is crying every night for his dad, because he isn't! Furthermore, I handle being a single parent because I have too, and, quite frankly, some days it's hard and some days it isn't. There are a few things that are limited as a result, but no different than military parents, or parents that have a spouse that is gone a lot. (Although, they are more socially accepted, and there are generally two household earners.) I do understand that someone calling me a "hero" is meant to be a compliment. But, I'm not your hero, you have no idea who I am, simply being a single parent does not automatically make me heroic, even though it may seem like it, in the face of so much adversity. Quite on the contrary, many people scramble to judge me as the exact opposite. Lastly, I am not "trolling for a man," I am sometimes content and sometimes not content without a partner, but my singleparenthood has little to nothing to do with that.
Single parenting comes with certain limitations, and those limitations need to be recognized within the academic community. After all, unconventional students are quickly becoming the majority in many, if not most, colleges and universities across the nation:
So why are students like myself still facing extreme difficulty, or not being able to obtain, or have the tools necessary, to succeed and proceed in post secondary education and beyond? Of course there are schools that have daycares on campus, and I'm sure there are places where being a single parent doesn't automatically make you feel marginalized, I get that! But, those schools are in the minority. And, don't tell me,"There are great online programs out there for people just like you!" Do your homework! Those programs are primarily (not all) second rate and do not give you the skills you need to get a job, among countless other arguments against online educations, which include, financial aid, networking, limited science options, etc. Give me access to education that doesn't require me to leave my son without dinner, or require me to live at home with my parents so I have child care, or require me to take him to class and get the stink eye all night, or better yet, get asked to leave. Furthermore, don't ask me to neglect my son while telling me, "He will benefit in the long run." No he won't, because I won't be there for some of the most influential times in his life. I've heard it all and experienced it all. I've been in school since my son was born, and I've had to carefully navigate my education as a result, on top of being denied access to many academic programs. I'm not even going to go into my debt load. I will save that for another post. We as single parents need to stop being treated like Americas dirty little secret full of welfare mothers, man haters, women haters, and godless heathens. We are a varied bunch, and I'm sure like any group, there are those who are, and those who are not, the stereotype. Get over it!In recent years, the percentage increase in the number of students age 25 and over has been larger than the percentage increase in the number of younger students, and this pattern is expected to continue. Between 2000 and 2010, the enrollment of students under age 25 increased by 34 percent. Enrollment of students 25 and over rose 42 percent during the same period. From 2010 to 2020, NCES projects a rise of 11 percent in enrollments of students under 25, and a rise of 20 percent in enrollments of students 25 and over. (NCES)
These are the challenges I face, not all having to do with this doctoral program, but I have certainly been reminded of my social, cultural, and gender limitations in the first two weeks and it has made me very angry as a result.
I'm getting off my soap box now.
Cheers!
Sources:
http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/famsoc1.asp
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=98
Sunday, September 1, 2013
...even the cat peed on my bed!
Have you ever felt like the cosmos is simply not happy with you, or is completely out to get you? It has been like I'm a puppet for some god on Olympus with really bad taste in jokes.
From my son being "misplaced" at on his first day of school to having bad news about a family member, this has officially been the worst week I've had in a very long time.
Monday began well, so I thought, with getting to school on time and finally being able to get a good run in before my first class. I knew that I had to pick my son up from school early. After speaking with the school and getting everything set up, it seemed things were going to work out. At 2:20 I arrive to get my son, but I'm unable to get in the school because the doors are locked. Much to my great annoyance after trying to call the office over 10 times with no answer, I start to get really frustrated. After a couple of irritating events outside the school, they finally locate my son. The lady that delivers him tells me, in more words, that he was "misplaced." Due to intense miscommunication and misdirection, the school neglected to tell me about some very important policies relating to picking up a child early from school. I had an hour of complete terror and worry when they couldn't locate my son, on top of that I couldn't even enter the building. As a result of this fiasco I completely miss my first class. Jolly good start to the week, wouldn't you say? It took me 4 hours to calm down after that incident, and multiple calls to family and friends for advice. Who wants to take their child to a school where they get misplaced? I'm happy to say my son was fine, shook up but fine. I sent the principal a lengthy email, and I was surprised when she wrote back being incredibly apologetic.
Later in the week I successfully lose my wallet, one of my computers crash, I get a minor stomach bug, I forget to bring some paperwork to the class I'm GAing, terrible news comes through about a family member, my son has come down with a cold, and finally, I come home one day and my cat has peed on my bed. Really? At this point I throw up their hands and say "What the F$%#!"
In light of all that it does seem like everything did eventually work itself out. My wallet was returned, I got over the stomach bug, I had a backup of my data lost, the class I'm GAing went fine, I was able to clean my sheets and cover, I'm sure my son will get over his cold and his school seems to be doing just fine now. There have been no more incidents at his school and the principal even emailed again in the following days, just to check in. The only unknown is the health of my family member.
The PhD program seems to be okay, I have a minor issue with the length of their syllabi, but other than that I have no complaints. I've never seem syllabi longer than maybe 10 pages, but here the standard is 25 pages. In the 7 years I've been in higher education, think I saw a 10 page syllabus once. Apparently there is a reason behind the length, and that reason has to do with miscommunication in the past. It will take me a while to get used to reading a syllabus that's the same length as some of my homework. Right now I'm focusing on getting through the first year and not making any judgements till after I've spent some real time here.
Overall, this week has been a test of my patience and resilience that I never want to go through again. Here's to hoping this coming week will be much better.
Cheers!
From my son being "misplaced" at on his first day of school to having bad news about a family member, this has officially been the worst week I've had in a very long time.
Monday began well, so I thought, with getting to school on time and finally being able to get a good run in before my first class. I knew that I had to pick my son up from school early. After speaking with the school and getting everything set up, it seemed things were going to work out. At 2:20 I arrive to get my son, but I'm unable to get in the school because the doors are locked. Much to my great annoyance after trying to call the office over 10 times with no answer, I start to get really frustrated. After a couple of irritating events outside the school, they finally locate my son. The lady that delivers him tells me, in more words, that he was "misplaced." Due to intense miscommunication and misdirection, the school neglected to tell me about some very important policies relating to picking up a child early from school. I had an hour of complete terror and worry when they couldn't locate my son, on top of that I couldn't even enter the building. As a result of this fiasco I completely miss my first class. Jolly good start to the week, wouldn't you say? It took me 4 hours to calm down after that incident, and multiple calls to family and friends for advice. Who wants to take their child to a school where they get misplaced? I'm happy to say my son was fine, shook up but fine. I sent the principal a lengthy email, and I was surprised when she wrote back being incredibly apologetic.
Later in the week I successfully lose my wallet, one of my computers crash, I get a minor stomach bug, I forget to bring some paperwork to the class I'm GAing, terrible news comes through about a family member, my son has come down with a cold, and finally, I come home one day and my cat has peed on my bed. Really? At this point I throw up their hands and say "What the F$%#!"
In light of all that it does seem like everything did eventually work itself out. My wallet was returned, I got over the stomach bug, I had a backup of my data lost, the class I'm GAing went fine, I was able to clean my sheets and cover, I'm sure my son will get over his cold and his school seems to be doing just fine now. There have been no more incidents at his school and the principal even emailed again in the following days, just to check in. The only unknown is the health of my family member.
The PhD program seems to be okay, I have a minor issue with the length of their syllabi, but other than that I have no complaints. I've never seem syllabi longer than maybe 10 pages, but here the standard is 25 pages. In the 7 years I've been in higher education, think I saw a 10 page syllabus once. Apparently there is a reason behind the length, and that reason has to do with miscommunication in the past. It will take me a while to get used to reading a syllabus that's the same length as some of my homework. Right now I'm focusing on getting through the first year and not making any judgements till after I've spent some real time here.
Overall, this week has been a test of my patience and resilience that I never want to go through again. Here's to hoping this coming week will be much better.
Cheers!
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